Biochemistry degree personal statement example (1c) UCL offer, with review

Expert feedback from The Student Room personal statement reviewer

General Comments: The length of the statement is good, towards the maximum but with room for editing. Overall there really should be more details on specific areas of biochemistry that the applicant is interested in, at the moment they tend to make sweeping statements which is a common problem with personal statements. Along the same line mentioning areas of the IB science courses they have particularly enjoyed and aspects they would like to study further should be included. Whilst the applicant has mentioned one related book they have read, further evidence of an interest in biology and chemistry outside of the IB course would improve the statement. Equally some mention of a recent scientific development that has been in the news (of which there are many) that has interested the applicant would show an awareness of their subject outside of their current course.

They should try to avoid talking to the reader directly and I think the discussion of why they wish to apply to a particular university is unnecessary and certainly comes after a thorough discussion of the course. The applicant has managed to avoid talking too much about unrelated extracurricular activities, though perhaps some of the paragraphs could be rearranged to group these together better and allow for a more subject focused ending. There are a few grammar issues that need correcting.

Comments on the statement: I have always been brimming with questions about the how and why of the world around me. In fact, one of my biology teachers once commented in response to my constant questioning that I was an extremely curious student and a pleasure to have in class. This sentence is unnecessary in a PS, better to leave teachers’ comments for the referee’s statement. When in the 8th grade we began studying the three sciences independently, I developed a special affinity towards biology and chemistry. Medicine was the first thought that came to mind when I thought about a career in biology and chemistry but I could not foresee myself working in a clinic on a day to day basis. It is important to be consistent about capitalising subjects, previously lower case has been used yet here they have been capitalised. The subject is lower case, unless it is the name of a course/degree e.g. Biology A-level. A sentence on why the applicant does not want to study medicine is irrelevant, better to say why they want to study molecular biochemistry. They don't want to come across as a medicine reject, or that biochemistry is a secondary interest. I was then introduced to my first Robin Cook book, "Fever", the first of many to follow. It was then that I realised how dependent the medical community is on research and that there are a myriad of career options open to a research scientist. Good mention of a relevant book that the applicant has read and the role this played in their degree choice.

Being a student of the IB programme, I have had a lot of exposure to laboratory work which I thoroughly enjoyed. A brief, specific example of some of the lab work the applicant has done would be useful, particularly if in an area of the applicant’s specific interest. The IB encourages its students to question knowledge and test theories for themselves, an approach which suited me perfectly. The interdisciplinary approach of the programme to science helped me broaden my perspective of the scope of research and confirmed my decision to study a course in molecular biochemistry. Good explanation by the applicant of how their course has taught them skills relevant to the degree they are applying for, although they should try to avoid making it sound too much like an advert for IB! However, it would be of benefit to be more specific about how they have applied these skills in relevant subject areas during their course. India is on the threshold of becoming a world leader in clinical research, however, the fact still remains that the leadership in innovative research still lies in the hands of scientists trained in the universities of Europe is what prompted me to apply to your university. This final sentence is a little confused, possibly it could be split into a couple of sentences. Generally one shouldn't address the reader directly. It is good for the applicant to say very briefly why they wish to study abroad but the reasoning needs to be clearer.

What amazes me about biochemistry is how all living organisms, whether complex or simple, are ultimately a collection of cells; entities so tiny and yet so powerful that they determine the nature of the organism. DNA is nothing more than a chemical compound but what is it that gives it the capability to determine the characteristics of an organism? How is it that cells communicate using chemistry? What molecular activity determines the genetic makeup of a species? The applicant’s passion for their subject comes out well here, but it would be good to link these questions to modules of the IB they have studied or extra reading they have done. Probably 1-2 questions is ok, 3 seems a bit many. The wide range of interrelated modules offered by your university will lay a strong foundation before I narrow down the scope of my education. Some of this is more like introductory material rather than being this late in the statement. It would be a good way to show their interest and enthusiasm for the subject early on. My love and appreciation of nature’s mysteries has been strengthened through numerous treks, camps and equestrian training and has found application to this field of study. The end of this sentence does not make sense. The whole sentence would be better placed in a paragraph on extracurricular activities.

Your university’s state of the art research facilities are what attracted me to apply to your undergraduate course since the line of study and work that I plan to follow requires just that. The opportunity to meet and interact with the eminent scientists who are members of the faculty is something I really look forward to. It isn't really important for the applicant to mention why they want to apply to the universities they have. The focus should be on the course, since there are multiple universities and it's a bit shallow to talk about one university as if it's the only one when they know full well that the applicant has applied to other courses. A justification for the university is not really required, it's all about the course.

My tenure as Head Girl and years in boarding school have honed my organisational and communication skills and developed a sense of team spirit and responsibility which will aid my academic and personal interactions at university. Being in an international environment will contribute to the shaping of my ideas on moral issues like the ethics of cloning and stem cell research which need to be addressed by the research fraternity, of which I aspire to become a part. Rather than just mentioning that they have been head girl the applicant does well to link this into skills gained and how this will help further study. I realise that the programme requires commitment and hard work and assure you that I will make a positive contribution to your department. It is not possible to make this assurance at this stage, so probably wise not to make it. I hope to have the opportunity to interact with other international and local students to further my interest in drama and theatre, my passion for music and my love for sports. It would be a privilege to be an active and involved member of the student community and to study at your university. The final paragraph should really sum up why the applicant wants to do the course and their passion for the subject. Whilst the brief mention of the applicant’s interest in drama and theatre is fine, perhaps a short final paragraph should be added as a more subject based summary. One to two sentences as a conclusion would be fine.