Personal Statement - History 15

Expert feedback from The Student Room personal statement reviewer

Generally speaking, the applicant places a heavy emphasis on explaining their passion for English literature and only briefly mentions their interest in history. The applicant would be well advised to focus less on their interest for literature as well as the ways in which they have pursued this interest, and instead demonstrate to the reader their connection and passion to history. The length of the statement is just within the word limit given by UCAS and by changing and rewording of some sentences, more space could be given over to showing a greater passion for their intended subject. Less emphasis should be placed on their other academic subjects and instead concentrate more on conveying their interest for history. The final sentence would have a far greater and more long lasting impact upon admissions tutors were the applicant to describe the aspects of a history degree that they are especially looking forward to.

The study of history affords a focus on that which sculpts and frames modern society, and this has always been a subject of much curiosity to me. A slightly more coherent way of phrasing this sentence would be advisable here, particularly in terms of what it is about the study of history that interests the applicant. It's important for applicants to say what they mean as the universities are not going to read it multiple times to search for meanings.

I find literature to be a fundamental basis of my passion for history and have enjoyed reading biographies of such modern historical icons as Mandela and more recently Obama. A mention of older historical figures would perhaps show a greater interest in the historical past. Obama's biography is "popular" academia rather than an academic text. Similarly, with any mention of reading the applicant needs to go into depth saying what they have learnt/what they found interesting/their opinions etc. Just naming the book is not enough.

I also enjoy the contextual value of fiction like that of Robert Browning's poetry and George Orwell's Marxist ideologies reflected in his 'Animal Farm'. Weimar Germany and Italian Nationalism have been topics of great interest and this encouraged me to look further into the impacts of dictatorships elsewhere, such as Mugabe's much condemned presidency in Zimbabwe. It would be more productive to mention history books relating to these topics rather than types of literature read. This is more an appreciation for politics.

As well as this I have enjoyed exploring the studies of Ian Kershaw whose work on the Third Reich intrigues me. Why does it? Describing which aspects of Kershaw’s work has been of particular interest to the applicant or mentioning titles of his work read would strengthen this sentence considerably. Once again, name dropping is not enough, they need to expand and say what they think. They've mentioned the strong criticism in their studies, so should give examples of exactly what they've done.

My recent study of the British Empire has augmented a keen interest in culture and society in Britain through the ages which I would like to explore further, whilst broadening my knowledge on a wider range of topics. By mentioning perhaps one or two periods of particular interest to the applicant, this statement would have greater weight to it and demonstrate both interest and knowledge in this area. The applicant also needs to say what the study is, do they mean the extended project? This would be a great opportunity to properly discuss their feelings/thoughts/ideas and say exactly what they'd like to expand further on as part of the degree.

This introduction is rather odd in that the applicant has jumped straight into talking about their reading without any real context or background. Normally this comes in the 2nd or 3rd paragraph. They need to select a couple of texts mentioned in this intro and fully go into depth about their ideas, not just mentioning a new text every line. This would substantially increase the academic style of the personal statement.

My studies in English Literature enable a wealth of insight into the value of non-fiction as well as fiction as a source of context. The reworking of this sentence would be advisable to give a clearer idea of the use of transferable skills from English Literature to history. A passion for literature outside of the classroom has been the basis of a wider reading experience from the classics of Wilde, Joyce and the Brontes to more contemporary works of Monica Ali and Ian McEwan, all of whom resolve their work in an exhilarating and thought provoking manner. This sentence is not necessary in terms of conveying an interest in history. English Literature has acted as a platform for the analysis and breaking down of a text, which corresponds to the study of sources and a historical outlook on people and events. This sentence in particular offers little or no insight into the applicant's passion for history and instead shows a keen interest in literature, something which most history admissions tutors will have little interest in. Likewise, Geography adds to a sense of politics and economics which I have particularly found useful having studied and compared the impacts of global superpowers like the British Empire and China. A taster course at Birkbeck College, University of London on the subject of English allowed me to practice the new form of learning that I will experience at university and also let me put my own writing skills to the test. Again, this sentence shows a passion for English; something which the applicant has done to show their interest and passion for history would be more worthwhile here.

Applicants often feel that they need to mention every single one of their A levels/school subjects and comment on its suitability to their course. Many teachers encourage their students to do this, but universities know that every A level subject does not beautifully complement the applicant's degree subject and all they are interested in is anything the applicant has done at school which is relevant. If nothing is applicable then the applicant doesn't have to mention their A level studies at all and can instead use the space to talk about their academic interests beyond school which do relate to the course. This paragraph is really common in this respect as applicants will go through one by one and make irrelevant or tenuous links to their degree.

The Duke of Edinburgh's silver award scheme was a commitment I undertook last year and proved to be extremely rewarding. As I joined a scheme independently and with students from other schools, I expanded my social network. Generally this is of little concern to admissions tutors and learned to work with people from a wider range of backgrounds. This has allowed me to experience first-hand team work which I expect to encounter at university and in a work place. It seems odd to suggest that they have never come across team work before! The activities were physically challenging and I learned that I have personal resources of endurance, patience and logical thinking. As well as the expedition element of the scheme I have also volunteered in an Oxfam charity shop for over twelve months and intend to continue further. Furthermore, I have been a consistent helper on school open days and parents' evenings which has sanctioned, to an extent, the ability to manage others and use my own initiative.

This is all fine but it is very long winded. A common 3rd or 4th paragraph trait in personal statements is for applicants to list all of the wonderful things they've done in their life and tell us what a brilliant person it makes them. Most universities care very little about extra curricular activities (Durham and Edinburgh are interested in them, Oxbridge certainly not, the other "top" universities relatively little) but even if they are applying to such universities, it needs to be around 70% academic/subject focused and the rest extra-curricular hobbies which makes up about one paragraph. What the applicant has written here could easily be condensed into a couple of lines as they don't need to mention everything and a few of the skills they've gained from DoE and open evenings are repeated.

I have taken advantage of London as a centre of culture and regularly visit the museums, cinema and theatre available to me. The Natural History Museum in particular has interested me from childhood and I have kept up to date with recent exhibitions that appeal to me. (Examples of a few exhibitions visited which have been of particular interest would strengthen this statement. This should have been mentioned previously as it can be utilised to say where their interest in history stems from.) I also like to visit galleries where I can explore an interest in art and photography, which I believe can offer considerable reflections on society. It would be better if the applicant could link this to a greater degree to the connection to society in history. Being part of a lacrosse team has enabled the skills of teamwork and communication, whilst appealing to my competitive nature. Again, they are repeating the teamwork/communication skills in lacrosse that they gained in DoE. Having demonstrated a skill, it doesn't need to be discussed again and instead it would be better to cite other skills. I have recently joined a book club to expand my reading repertoire and enjoy a forum where I can analyse and discuss a text in depth with others who have a passion for literature. Again, heavy emphasis is placed on showing a passion for literature rather than history and so the content here is somewhat unnecessary and verging on harmful to the application. Only the key extra-curricular activities need to be mentioned (2 or 3) and these two paragraphs can be combined into one and condensed by around half.

I look forward to the prospect of studying History. This statement could be improved by describing what it is about studying history that the applicant is particularly looking forward to as a full time occupation and I know that this degree will be an excellent preparation for a career using my writing and reading skills and also the skills of analysis, investigation and independent study which this course will provide. The applicant could also comment upon the honing of such skills during the course of their degree and the learning of some new ones. Overall this is a fairly standard and rather bland conclusion. The applicant could have returned to some ideas mentioned previously in the PS (had they been specific!) and brought them into a better, more personal conclusion.